when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
