I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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