i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
