Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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