I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
