Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
