are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I deserve this hangover.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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