the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
