Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
