I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
