just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
