Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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