I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
