The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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