I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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