I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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