Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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