He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
