this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
