the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
