what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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