I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
