I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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