Umm I'm too high to move.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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