I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
