ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
