so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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