Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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