Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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