her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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