that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
