how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
