So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Enjoy the penises
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
