dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
