Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
