operation have a gay friend backfired
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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