Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
