Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
