So drunk its hurt
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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