wat bout pragnant strippers??
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
