Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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