you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
