Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
