And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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