You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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