Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
