turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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