mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize