brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
