Sponge bath it is.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
