Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
