I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize