Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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