Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
