he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
