happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
