I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
