We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
