i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
even my farts smell like vagina
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
