if i can run in heels then i can drive
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
