The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
