I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
