i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
