Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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