had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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