I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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