I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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