saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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