can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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