I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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